Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts

Sunday, May 6

My Grandfather

My mom was digging around through some old folders or emails or something and found some old papers I wrote as homework assignments. Here is one of them. I'm not sure when I wrote it, but I present it to you essentially unedited; most likely from my Senior year of High School, but maybe older.

My grandfather was born in the rolling hills of the Ozarks (which some mistakenly call mountains) and since then he has lived in numerous places, including California, Texas,  New Mexico, Georgia, Utah, Alaska, and now a mountainside in Colorado.  He has preached numerous sermons, worked with many good people, changed many lives, pastored many churches, and held many important positions, (including: Regional Catalytic Missionary, Language Missions Director, Director of Associational Missions, and Director of State Missions) and though those things are great, they do not compare to his work as a father to his four children (Audrey, Ken, Kerry, and my father William) and a grandfather to his thirteen grandchildren.
Grandpa was born in Whit Springs, Arkansas on October 26th, 1936, he told me "I was born at a very young age, I was actually an infant when I was born," which is an example of his sense of humor.  He was not expected to live, and neither was his mother, so that when his grandmother died on November 6th, his father did not go to the funeral, because he thought his wife was going to die.  But they did not die, they lived on and eventually returned to full health.
When he was a boy, his family traveled to California in the spring and summer time to do farm labor.  They chopped cotton, harvested potatoes, (which he told me was very dirty work, by the end of the day only your eyes and your teeth were white) knocked almonds from trees, picked peaches (this involved climbing ladders to reach the peaches in 112 degree heat, with no breeze and very uncomfortable itches) and other such labor.  When fall came, they would return to Arkansas, and he told me that they made very good money (for the times) by doing this.
He went to the same school in Whit Springs first grade through to his High School graduation.  The rooms were divided such that first-through-third grades were all in one classrom together, fourth-through sixth grades were in another class room together etc. etc. all the way up tenth-through-twelfth grades.  Each student heard the lesson of the others in his room as well as his own lesson, so every student learned each lesson three times.  Grandpa graduated from High School second in his class -- from a class of two students -- at Whit Springs High School.  His graduation picture (which I have not seen) is him and his classmate sitting on a couch in his classmates living room.
After graduating from High School he went to California and stayed with his oldest sister Wanda and got a job with a company that made swingsets, though he quit that job to work for a battery company as an Assistant Shipping Clerk.
At this time, he attended Grace Baptist Church.  One evening after Sunday school, he and some of the other young men of the Church were putting away the room-dividers when Grandpa saw three young ladies sitting at the back of the Church.  He sat down near them and introduced himself to them.  These girls were Mary, Barbara, and Susy Brisco.  That night after she returned home, Barbara Brisco told her parents that she had met the man she was going to marry.
My grandpa dated Mary, Barbara's older sister, but he wouldn't date Barbara because he thought she was too young.  (She was maybe twelve at the time)  Eventually though, Barbara asked Kenneth to the Sadie Hawkin's dance and he agreed to go, but then went to see his brother instead.  His brother asked him why he was there, and he said
"I was going to go to the Sadie Hawkin's dance with Barbara, but I don't really want to go."  Then his borther told him that he should treat her better, because she was the "best-looking girl in that church."
Later on Kenneth went with Mary and Barbara to visit a former girlfriend who was sick and on the drive there Barbara asked him why he hadn't shown up at the dance, he apologized and then he told them about what his brother had said about Barbara, and Barbara said
"Well, I guess we'll have to get married then," so Grandpa gave her his class ring and they began dating and spending time together, though the plan of them getting married and her wearing his class ring was just a joke between them.  But after a few months of dating, Grandpa asked Barbara if she wanted him to give her a real ring, she told him that he would have to ask her parents.  So they asked the Briscos if they could marry and the Briscos told them that you could marry in one year; they figured it would all blow over.  It didn't, and on June 28th --the day after Barbara's 15th birthday-- they got married in Texas.  (A girl the age that grandma was at that time could not get married in the State of California unless she was pregnant, and grandma wasn't)
Grandpa quit working with Trojan and went to California Baptist College; (now California Baptist University) he didn't know that he needed to apply, so on July 1st he just showed up on campus, he was asked who he was and he said "I'm Kenneth Chadwick, and I'm here to go to school."  They told him that he had to enroll, so he worked out all the paperwork and he was ready for class by the beginning of the first semester.
While going to college, he began working with Hispanics at the First Spanish Baptist Church in El Monte, CA as an associate pastor.  At first there were two seperate sermons in the morning: one spoken by him in English to the English-speaking congregation and the other spoken in Spanish to the Spanish-speaking congregation, but eventually they moved to one sermon in Spanish to the whole congregation on Sunday morning and one sermon in English on Sunday night.
When he finished college he went to Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary in Mill Valley, California.  While he was in seminary, he was pastor of First Spanish Baptist Church in Hansford, CA.  During their time in California, my grandpa and grandma had their first three children, first my Aunt Audrey in December of '58, then my Uncle Ken in January of '60 and a while later, my Uncle Kerry in November of '63.
After seminary, he took the family to San Antonio, TX for ten months for he and grandma to go to language school.  After this they lived in Las Cruces, NM (where my father was born in March of '70) and then Albuqurque, NM, Atlanta, GA, Salt Lake City, UT, and Anchorage, AK.  Grandpa served as Regional Catalytic Missionary, Language Missions Director, Director of Ethnic Church Growth, Director of Associational Missions, (for both the Salt Lake Baptist association and the Rainbow Canyon Baptist association) and Director of State Missions, respectively.
Grandpa retired in 2002 and moved in with his son Ken in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado.  In 2003 his house was finished, and he and Grandma moved in to their own home not far from Ken's. (though he has since sold it and moved to Longmont, CO)  Since then, he has done missions in New Mexico, had a short stint in Torreon, in the state of Coahuila, Mexico, and spent six weeks in the Arctic Circle in 2004.  He was also the Interim Director of Missions for the Southwest Baptist Association for nine months, and the Interim Director of Missions for the Longs Peak Baptist Association for another nine months after that.  He was the Interim Pastor for First Baptist Kenai for nine months, and is currently the Interim Preacher (not serving the other roles of a pastor) for Canyon Ridge Baptist Church in Bellvue, CO.
My grandpa is now a great-grandpa for the third time, the first time being last July when my cousin Kerrys's daughter Aithne was born, the second when my cousin Chad's son Trystan was born, and the third the day before I called him, January 25th, at the birth of my cousin Connie's daughter Drew.
My grandpa taught me many important life lessons, whether indirectly through my father (who often prefixes his advice to me with "My father told me...") or directly from grandpa himself.  Much of it was advice about girls ("Never date a girl you wouldn't want to marry," for instance) but a lot of it was also helping to instill a passion for God into my dad, who has passed that on to me.
Grandpa likes to spend his time reading, -- he reads the Bible several hours every day, and he also likes to read Louis Lamour, John Grisham and different Christian authors -- watching basketball on television, going on walks, (he walks several miles on days when the weather is nice) and most of all, spending time with grandma.  When grandpa is in a good mood, he often sings old hymns or bluegrass songs, and he likes to tell jokes and humorous stories.
I feel that Grandpa's greatest legacy is his trust in God and his deep desire that all may know Christ.
The view from my grandfather's wrap-around deck is amazing.  Below his house is a valley with a river winding through it, (the fishing is good in that river, and he has caught many fish there) at the far end of the valley is a shining lake -- "Crystal Lake" by name -- that is pretty enough by itself, but is absolutely stunning when the sun reflects off of it.  There are evergreens, short and tall, young and old, on both sides of the valley with small swaths cut through them for dirt roads and houses.
Above his house are several rock outcroppings with dead, gray trees on them; when climbed these outcroppings offer an even better view than that from the deck, and one can see mountains in all directions for many miles.
Looking at the beauty of God's creations surrounding my grandpa's house, one understands why he retired there.

Friday, June 25

Love the LORD Your God

26He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How do you read it?" 27And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself."
28And he said to him, "You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live."
- Luke 10:26-28 English Standard Version -

15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
- Romans 7:15-25 English Standard Version -

Beg

Here I am
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through
"Beg" by Shane & Shane

Thursday, June 24

Voices

In the silent hour I can hear them
I pray to the mother
But the mother doesn't love my soul
In the blackened earth lay my secrets
The hounds of hell know everything
At the moon they howl
I cut away, I get away,
I hide away from the light
Still they smell my fear, and they will hunt me like the animal I've been

Cut cut cut a hole in the night
The voices of the innocent are coming to life
Cut cut cut a hole in the night
The voices of the innocent are coming to life

In a graceless world, I was graceless
I'm just a murderer cause murder was my only chance
Though I'm wretched, I am not faithless
The ears of God hear everything
And He hears them still
Every cry, every breath
In every land that have slain
Just to save myself
How can God show mercy? I was merciless to them

Cut cut cut a hole in the night
The voices of the innocent are coming to life
Cut cut cut a hole in the night
The voices of the innocent are coming to life

"Your greatest sin is not the abortion that you've asked forgiveness for, or the adultery, or whatever it is that you did in your life, in the past, that you're ashamed of, that keeps hounding you -- your greatest sin is not that; your greatest sin is not believing God's word when He says that you're forgiven! You wanna' repent of something, friend? Stop repenting of sins you've already repented of, and repent of your unbelief!"

The voices of the innocent are coming to life
"Voices" by House of Heroes

Things I Don't Understand

I keep thinking that I'm beginning to get things figured out, and then God shows me more scripture. I was reading the beattitudes this morning and saw some things I just don't get. Then I read 1 Corinthians 5 and my entire Christian attitude dynamic was thrown for a loop.
Matthew 5:8 NASB: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."
They shall see God... with their eyes? They will go to heaven and be in His presence? What does He mean when He says "they shall see God," anyway?
Matthew 5:3,10 NASB: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
What is the Kingdom of Heaven? Is it the presence of God? Is it "heaven" as most Christians tend to think of it? This white place that we "go" to worship God after we die? Thus far in Matthew, Jesus and John have each said "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near." So what is the Kingdom of Heaven?
1 Corinthians 5 ESV: 1It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. 2And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.
3For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. 4When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, 5you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.
6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? 7Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
9I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13God judges those outside. "Purge the evil person from among you."

Romans 14 ESV: 1As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. 4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
5 One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.
10Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11for it is written,
"As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God."
12So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
20 Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. 22The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.
Looking at Romans 14 again I see that it's a different context -- eating unclean foods, rather than sinning sexually -- but I'm still a little confused. While it is obvious to me that sinning sexually is unacceptable -- Paul frequently condemns sexual sin in his letters, and Jesus told the adulterous woman to "sin no more" -- I am not sure that I understand how it is that some of the old law, like circumcision and unclean foods, are no longer necessary, but other parts, like sexual purity, are still necessary.

I understand that holiness is a must for Christians. Does 1 Corinthians 5 change how I react to my friend who claims to be a Christian but is living with her boyfriend? What about someone who claims to be a Christian and says she is a lesbian as well? I know I'm supposed to love them, but Paul seems to be saying that love towards a sinning Christian is not always "nice." He tells the Corinthian church to exile a man for his sin! I see that it is so that "his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord," but it seems so harsh to me. Am I making it more complex than it needs to be because I'm reluctant to accept a difficult teaching?

Does his council even apply to me, since the friend who is living with her boyfriend is not part of my church community? The Corinthian church was made up of all the Christians in Corinth. Does this mean that my "church" is made up of all the Christians in my logistical community?

I'm not looking for an answer from human reason, but from scripture. I am sure that there is an answer and that I will find it eventually. I apologize for asking so many questions without offering many answers.

Tuesday, June 22

Loved By A Relentless God

I am so thankful that God never lets me go.

In the beginning of the fall semester of my Freshman year I began dating a beautiful young woman. This happened at a time when I had inexplicably ceased to study my bible or pray on a regular basis for several weeks straight. I tried a few times to pick the habit back up, but it never stuck and I spent the rest of the semester exhausting myself mentally, spiritually, and physically. I was not behaving as I should have and I was not walking with God. I remember once weeping in a worship setting and asking God where He was; begging Him to come back to me. It was not until after my girlfriend dumped me a week before the Spring semester began that I realized it was not God who had left me, but I who had left God. The day that my girlfriend dumped me I went out to the prayer garden near my house and got honest with God. I read Psalms 16 and 18 aloud and put all my hope in the God they spoke of.
1Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
2I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You."
3As for the saints who are in the earth,
They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
4The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied;
I shall not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
Nor will I take their names upon my lips.
5The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
6The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
7I will bless the LORD who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
8I have set the LORD continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
9Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
10For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
11You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.
- Psalm 16 NASB -
1"I love You, O LORD, my strength."
2The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.
4The cords of death encompassed me,
And the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.
5The cords of Sheol surrounded me;
The snares of death confronted me.
6In my distress I called upon the LORD,
And cried to my God for help;
He heard my voice out of His temple,
And my cry for help before Him came into His ears.
7Then the earth shook and quaked;
And the foundations of the mountains were trembling
And were shaken, because He was angry.
8Smoke went up out of His nostrils,
And fire from His mouth devoured;
Coals were kindled by it.
9He bowed the heavens also, and came down
With thick darkness under His feet.
10He rode upon a cherub and flew;
And He sped upon the wings of the wind.
11He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him,
Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.
12From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
13The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
And the Most High uttered His voice,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
14He sent out His arrows, and scattered them,
And lightning flashes in abundance, and routed them.
15Then the channels of water appeared,
And the foundations of the world were laid bare
At Your rebuke, O LORD,
At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.
16He sent from on high, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
17He delivered me from my strong enemy,
And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
18They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the LORD was my stay.
19He brought me forth also into a broad place;
He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
20The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness;
According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me.
21For I have kept the ways of the LORD,
And have not wickedly departed from my God.
22For all His ordinances were before me,
And I did not put away His statutes from me.
23I was also blameless with Him,
And I kept myself from my iniquity.
24Therefore the LORD has recompensed me according to my righteousness,
According to the cleanness of my hands in His eyes.
25With the kind You show Yourself kind;
With the blameless You show Yourself blameless;
26With the pure You show Yourself pure,
And with the crooked You show Yourself astute.
27For You save an afflicted people,
But haughty eyes You abase.
28For You light my lamp;
The LORD my God illumines my darkness.
29For by You I can run upon a troop;
And by my God I can leap over a wall.
30As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the LORD is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
31For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God,
32The God who girds me with strength
And makes my way blameless?
33He makes my feet like hinds' feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
34He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your gentleness makes me great.
36You enlarge my steps under me,
And my feet have not slipped.
37I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
And I did not turn back until they were consumed.
38I shattered them, so that they were not able to rise;
They fell under my feet.
39For You have girded me with strength for battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.
40You have also made my enemies turn their backs to me,
And I destroyed those who hated me.
41They cried for help, but there was none to save,
Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them.
42Then I beat them fine as the dust before the wind;
I emptied them out as the mire of the streets.
43You have delivered me from the contentions of the people;
You have placed me as head of the nations;
A people whom I have not known serve me.
44As soon as they hear, they obey me;
Foreigners submit to me.
45Foreigners fade away,
And come trembling out of their fortresses.
46The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock;
And exalted be the God of my salvation,
47The God who executes vengeance for me,
And subdues peoples under me.
48He delivers me from my enemies;
Surely You lift me above those who rise up against me;
You rescue me from the violent man.
49Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O LORD,
And I will sing praises to Your name.
50He gives great deliverance to His king,
And shows lovingkindness to His anointed,
To David and his descendants forever.
- Psalm 18 NASB -

I felt pretty low for a while after our breakup. The whole thing was very negative and I felt very much like "a worm and not a man" (Psalm 22:6).

Looking back I can see the way that God allowed me to suffer through that fall semester to learn valuable lessons about life, relationships, and most importantly, myself. What I am truly thankful for, however, is that God did not leave me where I was. He has brought me back to Him and is continuing to work in me to redeem my story. He is so good to me, always.

Monday, January 18

Psalm 19:14

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer."
- Psalm 19:14 NASB -

Are the words of your mouth acceptable to God? God wants us to speak in such a way that we build others up and glorify His name. Ephesians 4:29 says

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear."

According to Google, "edification" brings about enlightenment or is uplifting. When we speak, we should be looking at the needs of the moment and speaking words that encourage and improve the people around us.

Grace is unmerited favor, and it is what God has given us. We have done nothing to deserve his Unconditional Love, but He has given it to us anyway. That's grace. Do your words give grace to those who hear them?

Are the meditations of your heart acceptable to God? Philippians 4:8 says:

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

That verse doesn't need any summary. We are to dwell on, or meditate on, things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Wednesday, July 22

Holiness

14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance 15 but, as the One who called you is holy, you also are to be holy in all your conduct; 16 for it is written, Be holy, because I am holy.
- 1 Peter 1:14-16 Holman Christian Standard Bible
Lately, God has really been convicting me about Holiness. To be holy is to be set apart. My God, Jehovah, is a Righteous and Just God. There is nothing unclean, impure, or sinful in or about Him. He is perfect in every way, and to be in communion with Him requires perfection. This is why Christ died for us, so that His perfection would cover our imperfection and we could have a relationship with God.
1 Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus,
- Romans 8:1 Holman Christian Standard Bible
To have a relationship with God we must follow Him and obey His commands.
15 If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.
- John 14:15 Holman Christian Standard Bible
21 The one who has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. And the one who loves Me will be loved by My Father. I also will love him and will reveal Myself to him.
- John 14:21 Holman Christian Standard Bible
10 If you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commands and remain in His love.
- John 15:10 Holman Christian Standard Bible
And what are His commands?
30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. 31 The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.
- Mark 12:30-31 Holman Christian Standard Bible
19 Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.
- Matthew 28:19-20 Holman Christian Standard Bible
So we see that we are to love our neighbors and share the Good News of Christ's sacrifice with them. Wonderful!

For a long time I felt that to do that I had to put up with some of the impurities of this world so that I could share the Gospel; that to be "in the world but not of it" I had to allow some things in my presence that I might not have otherwise. God has been showing me otherwise.

4 Adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world's friend becomes God's enemy. 5 Or do you think it's without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit He has caused to live in us yearns jealously?
- James 4:4-5 Holman Christian Standard Bible
Wow. "Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?" This really leaped out at me. God has been using these and other passages to make me question what I let in to my mind.

Foul language is the first thing that I'm wrestling with. It's not enough that I not cuss myself, I need to not even think about cussing. I need to look at the movies I watch and the music I listen to and assess it to see "is this really something I want rattling around in my head?"

The next thing I'm wrestling with is humor. What is okay to laugh and talk about? Lewd and crude jokes do not need to be in my head; especially the former. Lewd jokes bring things to mind that I don't need to think about.
2 And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. 3 But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints. 4 And coarse and foolish talking or crude joking are not suitable, but rather giving thanks. 5 For know and recognize this: no sexually immoral or impure or greedy person, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of the Messiah and of God.
- Ephesians 5:2-5 Holman Christian Standard Bible
The final thing I can think of is imagery. What images am I allowing to pollute my mind? But imagining the things I imagine, what am I choosing to focus on?
28 But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
- Matthew 5:28 Holman Christian Standard Bible

As a Christian, God is calling me to be Holy; to be set apart from the world. It isn't an easy thing to do, but I will do anything for Immanuel. My God suffered and died for me because He loves me; I love Him, so surely I can sacrifice these little things for Him.
8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.
- Philippians 4:8 Holman Christian Standard Bible

Monday, July 6

Super Summer Oklahoma

I tried to keep a kind of journal throughout Super Summer, but I didn’t do a very good job. I’m not sure how much of it I will be able to transfer here. I was pretty busy throughout each day.

I roomed alone on the same hall as the guys from FBC Tulsa (the church I came with) and some other guys. I had a roommate, but he never showed up.

Our speaker was an Iranian-born man named Afshin Ziafat. His father and all of his family is Muslim, and that is how he was raised. He was a Muslim until he turned about sixteen or seventeen years old, at which point he became a Christian. Two or three of his siblings have since become Christians and he is praying for his father to become a Christian as well. I bought a DVD of his testimony it is a powerful story. He is a very biblical, expositional preacher. He is passionate and insightful.

As it turns out, Super Summer is not a leadership training camp but rather a youth camp for strong(er) Christians. There was some leadership training (Afshin taught a break-out session about David), but for the most part the focus was more on spiritual development and things like that. The schedule was fairly intense. We had a thirty minute break sometime between breakfast and lunch, and about a two-hour break around dinner time, but the rest of the day was packed full of stuff for us to do. We had multiple classroom sessions every day with our “school;” the schools divided by grade, I was in Silver School, for graduated seniors.

The first night, Afshin talked about being content in what God has for us. I realized that night that I have stopped being content with my singleness. It’s something I’m working on. I think I made good progress over the course of the week.

Also on the second day I heard Afshin’s testimony during a break-out session. After sharing his testimony, Afshin filled the second break-out session slot with a talk about the differences between Islam and Christianity. Morally, Islam and Christianity are aligned with each other (that didn’t surprise me), but Islam believes you are saved by works while Christians believe we are saved by God’s grace. Basically, Islam believes that all the deeds of your life are put on a scale and if it tips in favor of the good things, you go to heaven (if you’re a Muslim), and if in favor of the bad, you go to hell. They believe in five pillars of faith: Creed (declaring you’re a Muslim “There is no god but Allah, and Muhammed is his prophet”), Prayer (five times a day, in Arabic, facing Mecca), Fasting (during Ramadan, no food, drink, sex, etc.), Alms, and Pilgrimage (if it’s within your means, visit Mecca; this is very subjective). As has been pointed out, Islam is ultimately a fear-based religion because it is works-based rather than grace-based. Interestingly, Muslims believe that Jesus was a sinless prophet, and that he was born of a virgin. However, there is a controversy amongst them as to whether or not Jesus actually died on the cross. I would tell you a little more about this, but I don’t remember the specifics.

During our evening classroom session (the time of day spent with the other High School graduates in our own room, we had our own speaker and worship leader, and we met there twice a day) on the second day we discussed spiritual gifts. I discovered that my three main spiritual gifts are Hospitality, Exhortation, and Leadership. None of those surprised me (I’d taken a similar, longer test before and had similar results).

On the evening of the second night, Afshin talked about being discontent with where we are in our relationship with God. One of the things he said that stood out to me was that sometimes God gives us what we think we want to show us that it’s not what we really want.

It was on this day that I felt really convicted about my scriptural knowledge; my weak scripture memory and lack of deep study.

On the third day, Afshin spoke about leadership during his break-out session. He used King David as a model for leadership. He spoke of how David’s heart was humble, servile, and faithful, and of how David acted with integrity. It was a good session. Afshin is visibly more relaxed in the afternoon break-out sessions. In the afternoons you feel more like he’s hanging out in your living room or teaching a small group, but in the evenings he’s more like an impassioned camp speaker.

Afshin’s second break-out session was the same as the first, so I went with three girls (Leah Palmer and Sarah Peters will be OBU Freshman this fall, and Kyleigh Colclasure came with FBC Tulsa and is going to OU this fall, they’re all really nice, sweet girls) to a break-out session about Global Missions. It was good, though it would have been a little more applicable to me if I was called to full-time international missions, instead of American missions. Mainly, they spoke on being prepared to go whenever God calls you to go. Their advice was something like this:
• Know your calling “Satan would be happy if we focused on the good things and not the best things.” “We are not called to rock babies. We are called to share Jesus with people. If you need to rock babies to share Jesus, that’s fine.”
• Be an expert student in the Word of God “Always be prepared to give an answer… ” “Never stop learning.”
• Learn to pray “Develop a conversational relationship with God. Pray without ceasing.”
• Start making international friends now.
• Avoid debt & credit cards.
• Get a passport now.
All of which is good advice, regardless of whether you’re going overseas or not. Also, they highly recommended taking a specific History of Christianity college course called Perspectives (www.perspectives.org) and graduating from College with a practical degree (Business, Journalism, etc.) before going overseas indefinitely. Not only does college life prepare you for being in the world as an individual (they said high schoolers aren’t prepared to live alone overseas), but having a degree gives you an excuse to go in to closed countries (like China and even Italy).

On the third night the Silver School (high school graduates) and Purple School (a separate school for any students called to vocational ministry) got to pray over kids from the Red School (the 7th-graders). We each took one aside and prayed over them and shared with them the things we wished we’d known when we were their age. They gave us five or ten minutes to do it right in the middle of the worship service, with the band on stage. It was cool. We were told that it was all that Red School talked about the following day.

On the evening of the third night, Afshin spoke about Integrity. This is a paraphrase of something he quoted (he didn’t name his source) “Character is the ability to follow through with a decision long after the emotion for the decision has passed.” I like that quote a lot. He talked about how:
• Integrity honors God when no one else is looking – we make decisions in life and those decisions make us. We live in four worlds, our private world (us and God), our personal world (our closest, most intimate friends), our professional world (our co-workers and fellow students), and our public world (strangers with an opinion of us based on our reputation). Character is rooted in our private world, and it shows itself in our other worlds. Proverbs 4:23, 1 John 1:9.
• Integrity honors God when things go bad – David waited for God’s timing to become King, even though he had opportunities to kill or dethrone Saul before then. Hebrews 11:6, Daniel 6:5, Daniel 6:10, 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18.
• Integrity honors God when no one around us wants to.
Of course, he had scripture woven throughout all his lessons, but I’m only including a few of the references I wrote down, and I missed some of them when he was speaking.

On the fourth day during the morning classroom session, our classroom speaker (who spoke mainly on Apologetics, though he told us it’s not his specialty and he usually focuses on other things) pointed out something I’d never seen before: Psalm 22 is a very accurate prophecy of Jesus’ death on the cross. I believe this was the same morning that he told us that Jesus fulfilled all sixty-eight* major biblical prophesies about the Messiah, and all three-hundred-and-one* minor biblical prophesies about the Messiah. (*I might have these numbers a little off, but I know they’re close.)

On the fourth evening, Afshin talked about living for others. He said that some people look at life as if looking at a mirror – it’s all about them – while others look at life as if it’s a window – it’s all about others. He referenced the fact that Paul delighted in the godliness and joy of others (1 Thessalonians 3:6-13, emphasis on v. 8, 1 Thessalonians 2:19). He then went on to talk about how living for others requires:
• Authentic Fellowship – 1 Thessalonians 3:10-11. Your life will not be impacted or impactful in isolation. Relationships must be authentic.
• Authentic Faith – 1 Thessalonians 3:8, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7
• Authentic Love – 1 Thessalonians 3:12, 1 John 3, and 1 John 4:7-8. We cannot keep love trapped inside us; love must come out of us if it is to be real and authentic. We must love those who wrong us, as well as those who don’t know God.
• Authentic Holiness – We must examine ourselves (which means sometimes looking in the mirror, instead of out the window) to see how we can better reflect God.
• Authentic Passion – Philippians 1:21-26.
Then he went on to talk about a kid named B.J. Higgins. This kid prayed the salvation prayer when he was six, and then came again to Christ when he was eight. He immediately became an evangelist. I don’t remember all of the story, but he shared Christ with everyone he encountered and began going on missionary journeys whenever he could. I’m leaving out parts, but ultimately he ended up dying in a foreign country at the age of fifteen. We were told that he told the nurse in the hospital about Jesus while coughing up blood and being told to stop talking for his own health. Afshin said that some people call his a wasted life because he died so young and could have done so much more, but then he told this story:
A few years later, B.J.’s dad was in Kenya on a mission trip when this kid came and sat next to him. The kid told him that he had been a Christian for two years but didn’t have a bible. God told the father that the kid was going to be Kenya’s next evangelist, and to give the kid a bible. The father didn’t want to because the only one he had was B.J.’s bible with B.J.’s notes in the back. He wrestled with God a while and finally relented. He told the kid what God said to him (the kid got excited) and then gave him the bible. The kid was fifteen years old; the same age that B.J. was when he died. B.J. kept a journal (you can actually buy it I Would Die For You, by B.J. Higgins) and Afshin quoted this “He went through the blood, the least we can do is go through the mud.”

At some point in the night, Afshin spoke of how he’s still trying to win his Muslim father to Christ. He told a story of how a crew that came to clean up his father’s yard after Hurricane Ike (Afshin and his family are from Texas) made a cross from one of the tree-stumps left after the storm. He said that he and his wife (of seven months, he’s still moonstruck) now have that cross in their house, “to present to my father, on the day that…” and his voice broke. I think he almost cried in the next minute, but he went back to speaking and got over it. It tugged at all of us. In fact, when he said that, the entire auditorium gave resounding applause. We might even have stood. It was very touching.

On the last day, Afshin spoke in the morning. His sermon was shorter, and it was about Evangelism, and how God wants all the world to know of Him and His love.

Our worship band for the week was the Chris White band. They were really good. Not just as worship leaders, but also as musicians. I bought their CD.

In the course of the week, I became richer by five t-shirts: I got one dark blue Super Summer t-shirt on the first day for free as the camp t-shirt; I bought the Silver School t-shirt for ten bucks – it’s cool-looking and super comfortable – probably my favorite; I got a green t-shirt from OBU for filling out a survey (it was meant for younger kids without a college selected yet, but they let me do it too); I bought a baby blue Super Summer t-shirt for ten bucks to help pay for a Super Summer Youth Camp in Alaska; and I got a red OBU t-shirt from the admissions office for being an enrolled student (they were giving them out to anyone who filled an admission application).

The youth with the First Baptist Church of Tulsa are pretty cool. I like the guys. One of them impressed me more than the others though. There was a sixteen-year-old homeschooled guy named Daniel. I didn’t get to know him well, but I think that every interaction I saw him in impressed me. To begin with, he’s pretty buff; he’s a football player and he plays with a homeschool team. He’s also good looking; he reminds me of the dark-haired guy from the movie Pearl Harbor. He’s very friendly and personable and reminds me of myself at sixteen, except for the fact that he’s cooler. He’s more stylish than I was at sixteen; he’s more stylish than I am right now, for that matter. I don’t think I ever saw him alone; he was always with someone, usually smiling, laughing, and talking. I wasn’t around him enough to see if he really loves people, but he definitely likes them a lot. He loves worship music. He likes other music too, but he really loves worship music. I heard him talk about worship music several times in the course of the week.

Regrettably, I didn’t get any real quality time with Daniel or any of the other guys in the group, but I like them all and I got the impression they like me as well. They adopted me as a youth group member, and I was the only guy (there was also a girl) “with” their church to be in Silver School, so I was the oldest of them.

Sunday, March 22

Prayer

I am very tired right now, but I'm also restless. I feel like there is something I need to say; something that needs to be expressed, but I'm not sure what it is.

Prayer has been on my mind a lot lately. I pray frequently because talking to my God is important. He is the "Lover of my soul," shouldn't I speak to Him? But there's a struggle within me. I know that He hears me because I've heard His response. I know that He sometimes grants my requests because I've seen Him do it.

However, I don't understand it. Does he do what I ask Him to only when He was already going to do it? Do my petitions change His mind? If so, how does that work? If God is timeless and unchanging, how does my prayer affect what He's doing? How does my prayer affect the things and people I pray for?

I'm not doubting here, I'm just wondering... how?

Maybe this is something I'll never understand this side of Heaven.



7 "Ask, and God will give to you. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will open for you. 8 Yes, everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And everyone who knocks will have the door opened.

9 "If your children ask for bread, which of you would give them a stone? 10 Or if your children ask for a fish, would you give them a snake? 11 Even though you are bad, you know how to give good gifts to your children. How much more your heavenly Father will give good things to those who ask him!
- Matthew 7:7-11 NCV -

21Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
- Matthew 21:21-22 NIV -


Same story as last quote, but a different book, and a different translation:
23 I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'Go, fall into the sea.' And if you have no doubts in your mind and believe that what you say will happen, God will do it for you.24 So I tell you to believe that you have received the things you ask for in prayer, and God will give them to you.
- Mark 11:23-24 NCV -

24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy.
- John 16:24 NCV -

Friday, March 20

My Introduction to the Sacred Romance

Hello. I haven't made a real entry in a while, and seeing as I had a new "follower" (Hello Aubrey; however did you find my blog?) I thought I'd make a quick one now.

I've been reading this great book called The Sacred Romance, it's written by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. It's a book about the Great Story (or "the Sacred Romance") behind every one of our lives; ultimately, it's a book about God's passionate love and desire for us.

Most of us will agree that our lives are stories. They have some kind of plot (even if we don't know what it is), main characters, moments that makes us want to weep with sorrow, and moments that make us want to jump for joy.

What kind of story is this, though? Is it a love story? Is it a war story? Could it be both? Is it a tragedy? Is it some kind of modern comedy? Is it a fairy-tale?

Where can we find the answers to these questions? If we look at the whole thing, taken together, we can find the answers in the Bible. The Sacred Romance shows us how.

I highly recommend you take a look at the book. These podcasts are also excellent.

Saturday, February 28

Lay It Down

Tommy's haunted by the pressure to become
The first family member to wear a cap and gown
Time it ticks and the sweat it drips down
He's longing for the tassel dangling from his golden crown

Lay it down
Let it go right now

Misery loves company with those who cannot set it down
Throw your cares on Him
He'll show you how

Now is not the time to be missing out

She dreams of white picket fences
Has thoughts of marrying him

She believes is her existence
Somebody should tell him
And now you'll find her on her knees
As Jesus takes her lonely heart and holds it tenderly

Lay it down
Let it go right now

Misery loves company with those who cannot set it down
Throw your cares on Him
He'll show you how

Now is not the time to be missing out

Life's melodies can be accompanied by doubt
They start happy then comes the minor key
That brings us down

Lay it down
Let it go right now

Misery loves company with those who cannot set it down
Throw your cares on Him
He'll show you how

Now is not the time to be missing out

But in times of endless tragedy
He's been known to compose His best symphonies

Lay it down
Let it go right now

Misery loves company with those who cannot set it down
Throw your cares on Him
He'll show you how

Now is not the time to be missing out


"Lay It Down" by Seven Places

Tuesday, February 17

The Beautiful Letdown

It was a beautiful letdown
when I crashed and burned
when I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt.

It was a beautiful letdown
the day I knew
that all the riches this world had to offer me
would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in
until I found out

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song
where I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
when you found me here
and for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear

I'll be a beautiful letdown
that's what I'll forever be
and though it may cost my soul I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
and the rising sun
and our dark water planet
still spins in a race
where no one wins
and no one's one

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I'm gonna' set sight
and set sail for the kingdom come
Your kingdom come
won't you let me down!
let my foolish pride forever let me down


Easy living, you're not much like your name
easy dying, you look just about the same
would you please take me off your list?
easy living, please come on and let me down.

What a beautiful letdown
painfully uncool
the church of the drop outs, the losers
the sinners, the failures, and the fools
what a beautiful letdown
are we salt in the wound?
let us sing one true tune
"The Beautiful Letdown" lyrics by Jon Foreman

Saturday, February 14

Valentine's Day

Today, February 14th, is Valentine's day. Created in honor of St. Valentine (for reasons that I do not remember at the moment) it is a holiday that has come to be a celebration of Romantic Love.

Valentine's Day is great for those who have lovers. For those of us who are romantically alone however, this day tends to be a dreary reminder that we currently have no one to hold and say "I love you" too. Many singles even go so far as to call it "Singles Awareness Day" instead of Valentine's Day.

I want to change that.

There are things to be celebrated about being single. It may not always feel that way, but it's true. When you are married or pursuing marriage you have to focus on the other person: what they want, what they're feeling, etc. When you are single though, you can focus on growing closer to God without the distraction of another person. You can also spend time bettering yourself in preparation for the day when you have someone to Love; after all, you want to be the best person you can be for them, don't you? Finally, single people don't have restrictions on who they can spend time with. As a single person you can go out for lunch with or
chat with a friend of the opposite gender; a luxury it is not wise to have when married or in a relationship.

Here are some things you can do as a single person this Valentine's Day:

1) Pray for your future beloved. There are all kinds of prayers you can make for them: prayers for their present, prayers for their future, and prayers for yourself to be better for them. These are examples of a few things I pray every day.

2) Write a letter to your future beloved. It can be a letter that you write and then throw away, just to get your feelings out, or it could be a letter that you plan to give to them shortly before you get married or on the night of your wedding. I have an entire envelope full of letters like the latter. As for what you put in the letter... that's up to you.

If you are one of the Blessed few who has been called to live a life with God as your sole Lover, then I have a question for you: Are you content? If not, then this is an excellent day for you to become better acquainted with the Lover of Your Soul.

May God bless you with Love this
Valentine's Day.

Thursday, February 12

The First Few Thoughts

Now that I have already reserved the name, I wonder if perhaps I should have named my blog differently. My soul is broken, yes, but it is also being healed. It's a daily process. With each new cut I add to my soul (and it is oh, so easy to do) I pray for healing. And it comes. Slowly or quickly, it comes. My soul heals. There is a scar left there but the wound is healed.

Every soul is different, but each soul is broken. Each soul needs healing. Has your soul been healed yet, or are you still looking?