God's Provision Through the Summer

Over the course of this Summer, God has sent constant, material reminders that He is in control, that He cares for me, and that He will provide for my every need.

At the end of the school year I knew that I wanted to stay in Shawnee, but I didn't have a job or a place to live. Per suggestion from my girlfriend, I got a job at the same place as her brother. Around Finals week at school, I mentioned to a friend at church that I needed a place to live and he told me that he had a place up for rent. He gave my roommates and me very cheap rates on it and we got the first half-month free for cleaning the house before we moved in. After about a month at my job, the company sent everyone home while it dealt with some internal legal issues.

The day before I lost my job, I bought an antique ring with a petite diamond and proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and now we are getting married at the very end of December; our engagement is probably the biggest "I love you" that God has given me this whole summer.

After I lost my job I was discouraged in my job search, but my fiance encouraged me to keep looking for jobs and pointed me to Freedom Personnel, where I got a job as a garbage man. I worked about 20 hours a week as a garbage man for two or three weeks. I was miserable, and I hated it, but I was (and still am) thankful to God for it because it was a job. With some encouragement (again) from my fiance, I found a temporary job as a Web Developer and IT guy for a local company while their Web Developer was on maternity leave. It was a great job, it paid well, and I learned a lot while I worked there.

After that job ended my landlord offered to pay me to paint the house I was living in because he wants to sell it after we move out. Although this series of odd jobs in rapid succession may not look great on a job history sheet, I do not remember a single week in which I did not have a paying job.

A week ago, my fiance's brother-in-law and sister told us that someone in their church was told by God to give them a car. They weren't sure why God wanted to give them a car at first, but then they realized that they should give it to us. My grandparents moved to Alaska for two years while my grandpa served as an interim pastor there. My family was staying at their house at the time, so they left all their appliances there and bought duplicates while they lived in Alaska. When they returned they had double of everything, so their extras are being passed on to my fiance and I once we get married. My parents were, at one point, going to move into a house with two living rooms so they acquired two sets of nice couches. They ended up in a smaller house with only one living room, so the extra couch set is also going to my fiance and I.

My fiance and I are under no illusions that we won't have to work to provide for our needs, but we are realizing that it is God who really does the providing.

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever
People from every nation and tribe
From generation to generation
We worship you
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
We worship you for who you are
And you are good

Loving A Person

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Loving A Person by Sara Groves (and Gordon Kennedy)

(I'm not totally sure I've got all the lyrics here)

Loved By A Relentless God

I am so thankful that God never lets me go.

In the beginning of the fall semester of my Freshman year I began dating a beautiful young woman. This happened at a time when I had inexplicably ceased to study my bible or pray on a regular basis for several weeks straight. I tried a few times to pick the habit back up, but it never stuck and I spent the rest of the semester exhausting myself mentally, spiritually, and physically. I was not behaving as I should have and I was not walking with God. I remember once weeping in a worship setting and asking God where He was; begging Him to come back to me. It was not until after my girlfriend dumped me a week before the Spring semester began that I realized it was not God who had left me, but I who had left God. The day that my girlfriend dumped me I went out to the prayer garden near my house and got honest with God. I read Psalms 16 and 18 aloud and put all my hope in the God they spoke of.

¹Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
²I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You."
³As for the saints who are in the earth,
They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
⁴The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied;
I shall not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
Nor will I take their names upon my lips.
⁵The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
⁶The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
⁷I will bless the LORD who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
⁸I have set the LORD continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
⁹Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
¹⁰For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
¹¹You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

- Psalm 16 NASB -

¹"I love You, O LORD, my strength."
²The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
³I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.
⁴The cords of death encompassed me,
And the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.
⁵The cords of Sheol surrounded me;
The snares of death confronted me.
⁶In my distress I called upon the LORD,
And cried to my God for help;
He heard my voice out of His temple,
And my cry for help before Him came into His ears.
⁷Then the earth shook and quaked;
And the foundations of the mountains were trembling
And were shaken, because He was angry.
⁸Smoke went up out of His nostrils,
And fire from His mouth devoured;
Coals were kindled by it.
⁹He bowed the heavens also, and came down
With thick darkness under His feet.
¹⁰He rode upon a cherub and flew;
And He sped upon the wings of the wind.
¹¹He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him,
Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.
¹²From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
¹³The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
And the Most High uttered His voice,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
¹⁴He sent out His arrows, and scattered them,
And lightning flashes in abundance, and routed them.
¹⁵Then the channels of water appeared,
And the foundations of the world were laid bare
At Your rebuke, O LORD,
At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.
¹⁶He sent from on high, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
¹⁷He delivered me from my strong enemy,
And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
¹⁸They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the LORD was my stay.
¹⁹He brought me forth also into a broad place;
He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
²⁰The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness;
According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me.
²¹For I have kept the ways of the LORD,
And have not wickedly departed from my God.
²²For all His ordinances were before me,
And I did not put away His statutes from me.
²³I was also blameless with Him,
And I kept myself from my iniquity.
²⁴Therefore the LORD has recompensed me according to my righteousness,
According to the cleanness of my hands in His eyes.
²⁵With the kind You show Yourself kind;
With the blameless You show Yourself blameless;
²⁶With the pure You show Yourself pure,
And with the crooked You show Yourself astute.
²⁷For You save an afflicted people,
But haughty eyes You abase.
²⁸For You light my lamp;
The LORD my God illumines my darkness.
²⁹For by You I can run upon a troop;
And by my God I can leap over a wall.
³⁰As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the LORD is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
³¹For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God,
³²The God who girds me with strength
And makes my way blameless?
³³He makes my feet like hinds' feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
³⁴He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your gentleness makes me great.
³⁶You enlarge my steps under me,
And my feet have not slipped.
³⁷I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
And I did not turn back until they were consumed.
³⁸I shattered them, so that they were not able to rise;
They fell under my feet.
³⁹For You have girded me with strength for battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.
⁴⁰You have also made my enemies turn their backs to me,
And I destroyed those who hated me.
⁴¹They cried for help, but there was none to save,
Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them.
⁴²Then I beat them fine as the dust before the wind;
I emptied them out as the mire of the streets.
⁴³You have delivered me from the contentions of the people;
You have placed me as head of the nations;
A people whom I have not known serve me.
⁴⁴As soon as they hear, they obey me;
Foreigners submit to me.
⁴⁵Foreigners fade away,
And come trembling out of their fortresses.
⁴⁶The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock;
And exalted be the God of my salvation,
⁴⁷The God who executes vengeance for me,
And subdues peoples under me.
⁴⁸He delivers me from my enemies;
Surely You lift me above those who rise up against me;
You rescue me from the violent man.
⁴⁹Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O LORD,
And I will sing praises to Your name.
⁵⁰He gives great deliverance to His king,
And shows lovingkindness to His anointed,
To David and his descendants forever.

- Psalm 18 NASB -

I felt pretty low for a while after our breakup. The whole thing was very negative and I felt very much like "a worm and not a man" (Psalm 22:6).

Looking back I can see the way that God allowed me to suffer through that fall semester to learn valuable lessons about life, relationships, and most importantly, myself. What I am truly thankful for, however, is that God did not leave me where I was. He has brought me back to Him and is continuing to work in me to redeem my story. He is so good to me, always.

Musing on Loneliness - Written Amidst 9:30 Honors English

I could dwell so long in my own "loneliness" and make so much more of it than there is to be made. I could beg the question "Must I always be alone?" but then I would forget: I am not alone. I do not lack companionship and I do not lack love. Why do I long to be "On Fire" like one shivering without a blanket? I have a blanket, and I have a fire, a fire that consumes me.

What do I need a woman for?

Valentine's Day

Today, February 14th, is Valentine's day. Created in honor of St. Valentine (for reasons that I do not remember at the moment) it is a holiday that has come to be a celebration of Romantic Love.

Valentine's Day is great for those who have lovers. For those of us who are romantically alone however, this day tends to be a dreary reminder that we currently have no one to hold and say "I love you" too. Many singles even go so far as to call it "Singles Awareness Day" instead of Valentine's Day.

I want to change that.

There are things to be celebrated about being single. It may not always feel that way, but it's true. When you are married or pursuing marriage you have to focus on the other person: what they want, what they're feeling, etc. When you are single though, you can focus on growing closer to God without the distraction of another person. You can also spend time bettering yourself in preparation for the day when you have someone to Love; after all, you want to be the best person you can be for them, don't you? Finally, single people don't have restrictions on who they can spend time with. As a single person you can go out for lunch with or chat with a friend of the opposite gender; a luxury it is not wise to have when married or in a relationship.

Here are some things you can do as a single person this Valentine's Day:

1) Pray for your future beloved. There are all kinds of prayers you can make for them: prayers for their present, prayers for their future, and prayers for yourself to be better for them. These are examples of a few things I pray every day.

2) Write a letter to your future beloved. It can be a letter that you write and then throw away, just to get your feelings out, or it could be a letter that you plan to give to them shortly before you get married or on the night of your wedding. I have an entire envelope full of letters like the latter. As for what you put in the letter... that's up to you.

If you are one of the Blessed few who has been called to live a life with God as your sole Lover, then I have a question for you: Are you content? If not, then this is an excellent day for you to become better acquainted with the Lover of Your Soul.

May God bless you with Love this Valentine's Day.