My Grandfather

My mom was digging around through some old folders or emails or something and found some old papers I wrote as homework assignments. Here is one of them. I'm not sure when I wrote it, but I present it to you essentially unedited; most likely from my Senior year of High School, but maybe older.

My grandfather was born in the rolling hills of the Ozarks (which some mistakenly call mountains) and since then he has lived in numerous places, including California, Texas,  New Mexico, Georgia, Utah, Alaska, and now a mountainside in Colorado.  He has preached numerous sermons, worked with many good people, changed many lives, pastored many churches, and held many important positions, (including: Regional Catalytic Missionary, Language Missions Director, Director of Associational Missions, and Director of State Missions) and though those things are great, they do not compare to his work as a father to his four children (Audrey, Ken, Kerry, and my father William) and a grandfather to his thirteen grandchildren.
Grandpa was born in Whit Springs, Arkansas on October 26th, 1936, he told me "I was born at a very young age, I was actually an infant when I was born," which is an example of his sense of humor.  He was not expected to live, and neither was his mother, so that when his grandmother died on November 6th, his father did not go to the funeral, because he thought his wife was going to die.  But they did not die, they lived on and eventually returned to full health.
When he was a boy, his family traveled to California in the spring and summer time to do farm labor.  They chopped cotton, harvested potatoes, (which he told me was very dirty work, by the end of the day only your eyes and your teeth were white) knocked almonds from trees, picked peaches (this involved climbing ladders to reach the peaches in 112 degree heat, with no breeze and very uncomfortable itches) and other such labor.  When fall came, they would return to Arkansas, and he told me that they made very good money (for the times) by doing this.
He went to the same school in Whit Springs first grade through to his High School graduation.  The rooms were divided such that first-through-third grades were all in one classrom together, fourth-through sixth grades were in another class room together etc. etc. all the way up tenth-through-twelfth grades.  Each student heard the lesson of the others in his room as well as his own lesson, so every student learned each lesson three times.  Grandpa graduated from High School second in his class -- from a class of two students -- at Whit Springs High School.  His graduation picture (which I have not seen) is him and his classmate sitting on a couch in his classmates living room.
After graduating from High School he went to California and stayed with his oldest sister Wanda and got a job with a company that made swingsets, though he quit that job to work for a battery company as an Assistant Shipping Clerk.
At this time, he attended Grace Baptist Church.  One evening after Sunday school, he and some of the other young men of the Church were putting away the room-dividers when Grandpa saw three young ladies sitting at the back of the Church.  He sat down near them and introduced himself to them.  These girls were Mary, Barbara, and Susy Brisco.  That night after she returned home, Barbara Brisco told her parents that she had met the man she was going to marry.
My grandpa dated Mary, Barbara's older sister, but he wouldn't date Barbara because he thought she was too young.  (She was maybe twelve at the time)  Eventually though, Barbara asked Kenneth to the Sadie Hawkin's dance and he agreed to go, but then went to see his brother instead.  His brother asked him why he was there, and he said
"I was going to go to the Sadie Hawkin's dance with Barbara, but I don't really want to go."  Then his borther told him that he should treat her better, because she was the "best-looking girl in that church."
Later on Kenneth went with Mary and Barbara to visit a former girlfriend who was sick and on the drive there Barbara asked him why he hadn't shown up at the dance, he apologized and then he told them about what his brother had said about Barbara, and Barbara said
"Well, I guess we'll have to get married then," so Grandpa gave her his class ring and they began dating and spending time together, though the plan of them getting married and her wearing his class ring was just a joke between them.  But after a few months of dating, Grandpa asked Barbara if she wanted him to give her a real ring, she told him that he would have to ask her parents.  So they asked the Briscos if they could marry and the Briscos told them that you could marry in one year; they figured it would all blow over.  It didn't, and on June 28th --the day after Barbara's 15th birthday-- they got married in Texas.  (A girl the age that grandma was at that time could not get married in the State of California unless she was pregnant, and grandma wasn't)
Grandpa quit working with Trojan and went to California Baptist College; (now California Baptist University) he didn't know that he needed to apply, so on July 1st he just showed up on campus, he was asked who he was and he said "I'm Kenneth Chadwick, and I'm here to go to school."  They told him that he had to enroll, so he worked out all the paperwork and he was ready for class by the beginning of the first semester.
While going to college, he began working with Hispanics at the First Spanish Baptist Church in El Monte, CA as an associate pastor.  At first there were two seperate sermons in the morning: one spoken by him in English to the English-speaking congregation and the other spoken in Spanish to the Spanish-speaking congregation, but eventually they moved to one sermon in Spanish to the whole congregation on Sunday morning and one sermon in English on Sunday night.
When he finished college he went to Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary in Mill Valley, California.  While he was in seminary, he was pastor of First Spanish Baptist Church in Hansford, CA.  During their time in California, my grandpa and grandma had their first three children, first my Aunt Audrey in December of '58, then my Uncle Ken in January of '60 and a while later, my Uncle Kerry in November of '63.
After seminary, he took the family to San Antonio, TX for ten months for he and grandma to go to language school.  After this they lived in Las Cruces, NM (where my father was born in March of '70) and then Albuqurque, NM, Atlanta, GA, Salt Lake City, UT, and Anchorage, AK.  Grandpa served as Regional Catalytic Missionary, Language Missions Director, Director of Ethnic Church Growth, Director of Associational Missions, (for both the Salt Lake Baptist association and the Rainbow Canyon Baptist association) and Director of State Missions, respectively.
Grandpa retired in 2002 and moved in with his son Ken in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado.  In 2003 his house was finished, and he and Grandma moved in to their own home not far from Ken's. (though he has since sold it and moved to Longmont, CO)  Since then, he has done missions in New Mexico, had a short stint in Torreon, in the state of Coahuila, Mexico, and spent six weeks in the Arctic Circle in 2004.  He was also the Interim Director of Missions for the Southwest Baptist Association for nine months, and the Interim Director of Missions for the Longs Peak Baptist Association for another nine months after that.  He was the Interim Pastor for First Baptist Kenai for nine months, and is currently the Interim Preacher (not serving the other roles of a pastor) for Canyon Ridge Baptist Church in Bellvue, CO.
My grandpa is now a great-grandpa for the third time, the first time being last July when my cousin Kerrys's daughter Aithne was born, the second when my cousin Chad's son Trystan was born, and the third the day before I called him, January 25th, at the birth of my cousin Connie's daughter Drew.
My grandpa taught me many important life lessons, whether indirectly through my father (who often prefixes his advice to me with "My father told me...") or directly from grandpa himself.  Much of it was advice about girls ("Never date a girl you wouldn't want to marry," for instance) but a lot of it was also helping to instill a passion for God into my dad, who has passed that on to me.
Grandpa likes to spend his time reading, -- he reads the Bible several hours every day, and he also likes to read Louis Lamour, John Grisham and different Christian authors -- watching basketball on television, going on walks, (he walks several miles on days when the weather is nice) and most of all, spending time with grandma.  When grandpa is in a good mood, he often sings old hymns or bluegrass songs, and he likes to tell jokes and humorous stories.
I feel that Grandpa's greatest legacy is his trust in God and his deep desire that all may know Christ.
The view from my grandfather's wrap-around deck is amazing.  Below his house is a valley with a river winding through it, (the fishing is good in that river, and he has caught many fish there) at the far end of the valley is a shining lake -- "Crystal Lake" by name -- that is pretty enough by itself, but is absolutely stunning when the sun reflects off of it.  There are evergreens, short and tall, young and old, on both sides of the valley with small swaths cut through them for dirt roads and houses.
Above his house are several rock outcroppings with dead, gray trees on them; when climbed these outcroppings offer an even better view than that from the deck, and one can see mountains in all directions for many miles.
Looking at the beauty of God's creations surrounding my grandpa's house, one understands why he retired there.

Life, Lately

I feel different about life than I ever have before. I am working 25-32 hours each week while also going to all of my classes and doing a full-time students' work-load. It feels like a lot to do, and it is, but I am doing it all so that I can marry a sweet girl that I met a year and a half ago. Even though I'm the busiest I have ever been and should be really stressed out, I really don't mind.

Life with Katie is moving forward as it should. We have found a place to live and have budgeted out our income to ensure we can actually live there. I miss her more when we are apart than I used to, and I appreciate her presence for its own sake in ways I did not before. Unfortunately, I do not get to see her as often as I am accustomed to seeing her because of the times that I work--she works in the mornings and afternoons, and I work almost exclusively in the evenings. After homework is considered, we have practically no overlapping free time. But still, it is not so hard. Maybe this is what Jacob felt like when he was working to marry Rachel--he probably did not see her very often either, if he was working as hard for Laban as I have always imagined him to. Of course, he had to work for 7 years, and I am getting married in less than two months, so I suppose I have the easier deal.

In the meantime, my spiritual development (which was just beginning to blossom this time last month) has come to a dead halt again by nature of my absence of discipline. Of course, it does not help that I am also addicted to a board game and I find myself thinking about it when I wake up in the morning, or even as I drift off to sleep at night; while I find that disturbing, I do not find it as disturbing as you probably do--you must understand, the game in question is really cool.

But even though I feel like my spiritual development has halted, I know that it hasn't. The season of my life right now seems to be one of knowing God's presence without feeling it. Every time I get a paycheck, I thank God for the ways that He is providing for us, and I take comfort in knowing that He is taking care of me. Part of me would like to say that there is some great struggle inside me, but on this matter there is none. God is providing enough for me.

In some sense I feel that I have reached a point of spiritual maturity, but I know that if I were also self-disciplined I would be grounded in the spiritual disciplines. So there is a conflict within me, it is just not an impassioned one. I am comfortable in my spirituality and content to let God do the work of coming close to me, but I am not going through any of the motions that will let me draw closer to Him in turn. I know this is awful, but I don't feel bad when I try to do anything different and fail. God's grace is more than anything I can do, and it is much more than a free ride out of sin.

Put differently, the struggle is this: there is no reason not to memorize Ephesians (a very real goal of mine), and there are many reasons that I should, but I don't need to do so, so I do not. What I need is the self-discipline (or a smack up the side of my head) to do the host of things that I will need to be in the habit of doing later in life. But how do I get self-discipline? There doesn't seem to be a switch in the back of my head labeled "Self Discipline: on/off," because I have tried to flip it a number of times to no avail. Do I wait for God to flip that switch in me? Because I'm already doing that. Here I am again at the same conundrum I have faced over and over again for countless months. God is good though, and He is bigger than my conundrums--that is what keeps me from losing my head.

God's Provision Through the Summer

Over the course of this Summer, God has sent constant, material reminders that He is in control, that He cares for me, and that He will provide for my every need.

At the end of the school year I knew that I wanted to stay in Shawnee, but I didn't have a job or a place to live. Per suggestion from my girlfriend, I got a job at the same place as her brother. Around Finals week at school, I mentioned to a friend at church that I needed a place to live and he told me that he had a place up for rent. He gave my roommates and me very cheap rates on it and we got the first half-month free for cleaning the house before we moved in. After about a month at my job, the company sent everyone home while it dealt with some internal legal issues.

The day before I lost my job, I bought an antique ring with a petite diamond and proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and now we are getting married at the very end of December; our engagement is probably the biggest "I love you" that God has given me this whole summer.

After I lost my job I was discouraged in my job search, but my fiance encouraged me to keep looking for jobs and pointed me to Freedom Personnel, where I got a job as a garbage man. I worked about 20 hours a week as a garbage man for two or three weeks. I was miserable, and I hated it, but I was (and still am) thankful to God for it because it was a job. With some encouragement (again) from my fiance, I found a temporary job as a Web Developer and IT guy for a local company while their Web Developer was on maternity leave. It was a great job, it paid well, and I learned a lot while I worked there.

After that job ended my landlord offered to pay me to paint the house I was living in because he wants to sell it after we move out. Although this series of odd jobs in rapid succession may not look great on a job history sheet, I do not remember a single week in which I did not have a paying job.

A week ago, my fiance's brother-in-law and sister told us that someone in their church was told by God to give them a car. They weren't sure why God wanted to give them a car at first, but then they realized that they should give it to us. My grandparents moved to Alaska for two years while my grandpa served as an interim pastor there. My family was staying at their house at the time, so they left all their appliances there and bought duplicates while they lived in Alaska. When they returned they had double of everything, so their extras are being passed on to my fiance and I once we get married. My parents were, at one point, going to move into a house with two living rooms so they acquired two sets of nice couches. They ended up in a smaller house with only one living room, so the extra couch set is also going to my fiance and I.

My fiance and I are under no illusions that we won't have to work to provide for our needs, but we are realizing that it is God who really does the providing.

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever
People from every nation and tribe
From generation to generation
We worship you
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
We worship you for who you are
And you are good

Isaiah 30

It has been a few day since I spent time in the word and I was feeling the lack of it so before going to bed I sat down and read Isaiah 30. On the first read-through all the words went right by me and my mind was in another place, so I read it again and it began to resonate with me.

Dr. McWilliams talked about this particular time of Judah's history in my Old Testament class last semester. As I remember it, Assyria had successfully invaded Israel (the Northern Kingdom composed of ten tribes of Israel), so Judah (the Southern Kingdom made up of two tribes of Israel) was concerned about their own safety and they were entering alliance negotiations with the Egyptians. But YHWH wanted the Kingdom of Judah to rely on Him, and not on the Egyptians, so He commanded Isaiah to deliver the following message.

¹"Woe to the rebellious children," declares the LORD,
"Who execute a plan, but not Mine,
And make an alliance, but not of My Spirit,
In order to add sin to sin;
²Who proceed down to Egypt
Without consulting Me,
To take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh
And to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!
³"Therefore the safety of Pharaoh will be your shame
And the shelter in the shadow of Egypt, your humiliation.
⁴"For their princes are at Zoan
And their ambassadors arrive at Hanes.
⁵"Everyone will be ashamed because of a people who cannot profit them,
Who are not for help or profit, but for shame and also for reproach."
⁶The oracle concerning the beasts of the Negev
Through a land of distress and anguish,
From where come lioness and lion, viper and flying serpent,
They carry their riches on the backs of young donkeys
And their treasures on camels' humps,
To a people who cannot profit them;
⁷Even Egypt, whose help is vain and empty
Therefore, I have called her
"Rahab who has been exterminated."
⁸Now go, write it on a tablet before them
And inscribe it on a scroll,
That it may serve in the time to come
As a witness forever.
⁹For this is a rebellious people, false sons,
Sons who refuse to listen
To the instruction of the LORD;
¹⁰Who say to the seers, "You must not see visions";
And to the prophets, "You must not prophesy to us what is right,
Speak to us pleasant words,
Prophesy illusions.
¹¹"Get out of the way, turn aside from the path,
Let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel."
¹²Therefore thus says the Holy One of Israel,
"Since you have rejected this word
And have put your trust in oppression and guile, and have relied on them,
¹³Therefore this iniquity will be to you
Like a breach about to fall,
A bulge in a high wall,
Whose collapse comes suddenly in an instant,
¹⁴Whose collapse is like the smashing of a potter's jar,
So ruthlessly shattered
That a sherd will not be found among its pieces
To take fire from a hearth
Or to scoop water from a cistern."
¹⁵For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said,
"In repentance and rest you will be saved,
In quietness and trust is your strength."
But you were not willing,
¹⁶And you said, "No, for we will flee on horses,"
Therefore you shall flee!
"And we will ride on swift horses,"
Therefore those who pursue you shall be swift.
¹⁷One thousand will flee at the threat of one man;
You will flee at the threat of five,
Until you are left as a flag on a mountain top
And as a signal on a hill.
¹⁸Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you
For the LORD is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.
¹⁹O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. ²⁰Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. ²¹Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. ²²And you will defile your graven images overlaid with silver, and your molten images plated with gold You will scatter them as an impure thing, and say to them, "Be gone!" ²³Then He will give you rain for the seed which you will sow in the ground, and bread from the yield of the ground, and it will be rich and plenteous; on that day your livestock will graze in a roomy pasture. ²⁴Also the oxen and the donkeys which work the ground will eat salted fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and fork. ²⁵On every lofty mountain and on every high hill there will be streams running with water on the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall. ²⁶The light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days, on the day the LORD binds up the fracture of His people and heals the bruise He has inflicted.
²⁷Behold, the name of the LORD comes from a remote place;
Burning is His anger and dense is His smoke;
His lips are filled with indignation
And His tongue is like a consuming fire;
²⁸His breath is like an overflowing torrent,
Which reaches to the neck,
To shake the nations back and forth in a sieve,
And to put in the jaws of the peoples the bridle which leads to ruin.
²⁹You will have songs as in the night when you keep the festival,
And gladness of heart as when one marches to the sound of the flute,
To go to the mountain of the LORD, to the Rock of Israel.
³⁰And the LORD will cause His voice of authority to be heard,
And the descending of His arm to be seen in fierce anger,
And in the flame of a consuming fire
In cloudburst, downpour and hailstones.
³¹For at the voice of the LORD Assyria will be terrified,
When He strikes with the rod.
³²And every blow of the rod of punishment,
Which the LORD will lay on him,
Will be with the music of tambourines and lyres;
And in battles, brandishing weapons, He will fight them.
³³For Topheth has long been ready,
Indeed, it has been prepared for the king
He has made it deep and large,
A pyre of fire with plenty of wood;
The breath of the LORD, like a torrent of brimstone, sets it afire.

- Isaiah 30 New American Standard Bible -

Reading this passage, the righteousness, grace, and steadfast love of God for Judah stood out to me. Although He is a jealous God who will not abide His children depending on anyone weaker than Himself, He is also a gracious and loving God who always takes His children back when they repent. The image of God blessing the Southern Kingdom and spewing His wrath upon the Assyrians to protect His children is a very beautiful one.

Loving A Person

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Loving A Person by Sara Groves (and Gordon Kennedy)

(I'm not totally sure I've got all the lyrics here)

Love the LORD Your God

²⁶He said to him, "What is written in the Law? How do you read it?" ²⁷And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself."
²⁸And he said to him, "You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live."
- Luke 10:26-28 English Standard Version -

¹⁵For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. ¹⁶Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. ¹⁷So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. ¹⁸For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
²¹So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. ²²For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, ²³but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. ²⁴Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
- Romans 7:15-25 English Standard Version -

Beg

Here I am
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

"Beg" by Shane & Shane

Things I Don't Understand

I keep thinking that I'm beginning to get things figured out, and then God shows me more scripture. I was reading the beattitudes this morning and saw some things I just don't get. Then I read 1 Corinthians 5 and my entire Christian attitude dynamic was thrown for a loop.

Matthew 5:8 NASB: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

They shall see God... with their eyes? They will go to heaven and be in His presence? What does He mean when He says "they shall see God," anyway?

Matthew 5:3,10 NASB: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

What is the Kingdom of Heaven? Is it the presence of God? Is it "heaven" as most Christians tend to think of it? This white place that we "go" to worship God after we die? Thus far in Matthew, Jesus and John have each said "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near." So what is the Kingdom of Heaven?

1 Corinthians 5 ESV: ¹It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. ²And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.
³For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. ⁴When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, ⁵you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.
⁶ Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? ⁷Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. ⁸Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
⁹I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. ¹¹But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. ¹²For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? ¹³God judges those outside. "Purge the evil person from among you."

Romans 14 ESV: ¹As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. ² One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. ³Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. ⁴ Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
⁵ One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. ⁶The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. ⁷For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. ⁸For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. ⁹For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.
¹⁰Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; ¹¹for it is written,
"As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God."
¹²So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.
¹³ Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. ¹⁴I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. ¹⁵For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. ¹⁶ So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. ¹⁷ For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. ¹⁸Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. ¹⁹So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
²⁰ Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. ²¹ It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. ²²The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. ²³But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.

Looking at Romans 14 again I see that it's a different context -- eating unclean foods, rather than sinning sexually -- but I'm still a little confused. While it is obvious to me that sinning sexually is unacceptable -- Paul frequently condemns sexual sin in his letters, and Jesus told the adulterous woman to "sin no more" -- I am not sure that I understand how it is that some of the old law, like circumcision and unclean foods, are no longer necessary, but other parts, like sexual purity, are still necessary.

I understand that holiness is a must for Christians. Does 1 Corinthians 5 change how I react to my friend who claims to be a Christian but is living with her boyfriend? What about someone who claims to be a Christian and says she is a lesbian as well? I know I'm supposed to love them, but Paul seems to be saying that love towards a sinning Christian is not always "nice." He tells the Corinthian church to exile a man for his sin! I see that it is so that "his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord," but it seems so harsh to me. Am I making it more complex than it needs to be because I'm reluctant to accept a difficult teaching?

Does his council even apply to me, since the friend who is living with her boyfriend is not part of my church community? The Corinthian church was made up of all the Christians in Corinth. Does this mean that my "church" is made up of all the Christians in my logistical community?

I'm not looking for an answer from human reason, but from scripture. I am sure that there is an answer and that I will find it eventually. I apologize for asking so many questions without offering many answers.

Musing on Loneliness - Written Amidst 9:30 Honors English

I could dwell so long in my own "loneliness" and make so much more of it than there is to be made. I could beg the question "Must I always be alone?" but then I would forget: I am not alone. I do not lack companionship and I do not lack love. Why do I long to be "On Fire" like one shivering without a blanket? I have a blanket, and I have a fire, a fire that consumes me.

What do I need a woman for?

My Introduction to the Sacred Romance

Hello. I haven't made a real entry in a while, and seeing as I had a new "follower" (Hello Aubrey; however did you find my blog?) I thought I'd make a quick one now.

I've been reading this great book called The Sacred Romance, it's written by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. It's a book about the Great Story (or "the Sacred Romance") behind every one of our lives; ultimately, it's a book about God's passionate love and desire for us.

Most of us will agree that our lives are stories. They have some kind of plot (even if we don't know what it is), main characters, moments that makes us want to weep with sorrow, and moments that make us want to jump for joy.

What kind of story is this, though? Is it a love story? Is it a war story? Could it be both? Is it a tragedy? Is it some kind of modern comedy? Is it a fairy-tale?

Where can we find the answers to these questions? If we look at the whole thing, taken together, we can find the answers in the Bible. The Sacred Romance shows us how.

I highly recommend you take a look at the book. These podcasts are also excellent.

Imperfection

You're worth so much
it'll never be enough
to see what you have to give
how beautiful you are
yet seem so far
from everything you're wanting to be
wanting to be

Tears falling down again
tears falling down

You fall on your knees
you beg
you plead
"Can I be somebody else
for all the times I hate myself?"
your failures devour
your heart in every hour
you're drowning in your imperfection

You mean so much
that heaven would touch
the face of humankind for you
how special you are
revel in your day
you're fearfully and wonderfully made
wonderfully made

Tears fallin' down again
come and let the healing begin

You fall on your knees
you beg
you plead
"Can I be somebody else
for all the times I hate myself?"
your failures devour
your heart in every hour
you're drowning in your imperfection

You're worth so much
so easily crushed
wanna' be like everyone else
no one escapes
every breath we take
dealing with our own skeletons
skeletons

You fall on your knees
you beg
you plead
"Can I be somebody else
for all the times I hate myself?"
your failures devour
your heart in every hour
you're drowning in your imperfection

Won't you believe it?
won't you believe it?
all the things I see in you?

You're not the only one
you're not the only one
trading in imperfection

"Imperfection" by Skillet

The Beautiful Letdown

It was a beautiful letdown
when I crashed and burned
when I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt.

It was a beautiful letdown
the day I knew
that all the riches this world had to offer me
would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in
until I found out

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song
where I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
when you found me here
and for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear

I'll be a beautiful letdown
that's what I'll forever be
and though it may cost my soul I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
and the rising sun
and our dark water planet
still spins in a race
where no one wins
and no one's one

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I'm gonna' set sight
and set sail for the kingdom come
Your kingdom come
won't you let me down!
let my foolish pride forever let me down

Easy living, you're not much like your name
easy dying, you look just about the same
would you please take me off your list?
easy living, please come on and let me down.

What a beautiful letdown
painfully uncool
the church of the drop outs, the losers
the sinners, the failures, and the fools
what a beautiful letdown
are we salt in the wound?
let us sing one true tune

"The Beautiful Letdown" lyrics by Jon Foreman

Valentine's Day

Today, February 14th, is Valentine's day. Created in honor of St. Valentine (for reasons that I do not remember at the moment) it is a holiday that has come to be a celebration of Romantic Love.

Valentine's Day is great for those who have lovers. For those of us who are romantically alone however, this day tends to be a dreary reminder that we currently have no one to hold and say "I love you" too. Many singles even go so far as to call it "Singles Awareness Day" instead of Valentine's Day.

I want to change that.

There are things to be celebrated about being single. It may not always feel that way, but it's true. When you are married or pursuing marriage you have to focus on the other person: what they want, what they're feeling, etc. When you are single though, you can focus on growing closer to God without the distraction of another person. You can also spend time bettering yourself in preparation for the day when you have someone to Love; after all, you want to be the best person you can be for them, don't you? Finally, single people don't have restrictions on who they can spend time with. As a single person you can go out for lunch with or chat with a friend of the opposite gender; a luxury it is not wise to have when married or in a relationship.

Here are some things you can do as a single person this Valentine's Day:

1) Pray for your future beloved. There are all kinds of prayers you can make for them: prayers for their present, prayers for their future, and prayers for yourself to be better for them. These are examples of a few things I pray every day.

2) Write a letter to your future beloved. It can be a letter that you write and then throw away, just to get your feelings out, or it could be a letter that you plan to give to them shortly before you get married or on the night of your wedding. I have an entire envelope full of letters like the latter. As for what you put in the letter... that's up to you.

If you are one of the Blessed few who has been called to live a life with God as your sole Lover, then I have a question for you: Are you content? If not, then this is an excellent day for you to become better acquainted with the Lover of Your Soul.

May God bless you with Love this Valentine's Day.

To Write Love On Her Arms

Today I wrote the word "LOVE" on both of my forearms. My younger sisters asked me why I was doing it, so I explained it to them.

I told them that people hurt inside, and that there are many causes for this hurting. I told them that some people hurt so badly that they try to escape their pain. They do drugs to make them feel good, or they make themselves drunk on alcohol to make them forget, or they hurt themselves; because they think they deserve it, or because it helps them avoid their emotional pain. I told them that these are not good things.

Now comes the "LOVE" part. Some guys got together and decided that they wanted to help people who are hurting inside like this. Because the first girl they helped (a young woman named Renee) cut herself, they decided to call their organization "To Write Love On Her Arms" as a metaphor for replacing bleeding wounds with love.

Today, February 13th, is "To Write Love On Her Arms Day" and the guys at TWLOHA encouraged us all to write the word "LOVE" on our arms as another way to get the word out about this great organization.

Donations to TWLOHA, as well as the proceeds from t-shirt sales, are used to fund a support center for people to contact when they need help or someone to talk to, and the remainder ($420,000 in the past year) is forwarded to treatment and recovery programs like Mercy Ministries.

I encourage you to support these guys, but not just financially. I want you to go out and be Love to those around you. Start small -- by loving your spouse, your sibling, your parent -- and work your way out through your social circles. Let me remind you that Love is easier to give when you're hooked up to the source of all Love: Jehovah, the creator of the Universe. Before you do anything else, you should get on talking terms with God. If you already talk to God and have a relationship with him, just remember to refresh yourself with His loving cup of Mercy and Forgiveness every day. Whether subtly, or in a massive way, it will change your life.