Loved By A Relentless God

I am so thankful that God never lets me go.

In the beginning of the fall semester of my Freshman year I began dating a beautiful young woman. This happened at a time when I had inexplicably ceased to study my bible or pray on a regular basis for several weeks straight. I tried a few times to pick the habit back up, but it never stuck and I spent the rest of the semester exhausting myself mentally, spiritually, and physically. I was not behaving as I should have and I was not walking with God. I remember once weeping in a worship setting and asking God where He was; begging Him to come back to me. It was not until after my girlfriend dumped me a week before the Spring semester began that I realized it was not God who had left me, but I who had left God. The day that my girlfriend dumped me I went out to the prayer garden near my house and got honest with God. I read Psalms 16 and 18 aloud and put all my hope in the God they spoke of.

¹Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
²I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You."
³As for the saints who are in the earth,
They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
⁴The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied;
I shall not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
Nor will I take their names upon my lips.
⁵The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
⁶The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
⁷I will bless the LORD who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
⁸I have set the LORD continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
⁹Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
¹⁰For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
¹¹You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

- Psalm 16 NASB -

¹"I love You, O LORD, my strength."
²The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
³I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.
⁴The cords of death encompassed me,
And the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.
⁵The cords of Sheol surrounded me;
The snares of death confronted me.
⁶In my distress I called upon the LORD,
And cried to my God for help;
He heard my voice out of His temple,
And my cry for help before Him came into His ears.
⁷Then the earth shook and quaked;
And the foundations of the mountains were trembling
And were shaken, because He was angry.
⁸Smoke went up out of His nostrils,
And fire from His mouth devoured;
Coals were kindled by it.
⁹He bowed the heavens also, and came down
With thick darkness under His feet.
¹⁰He rode upon a cherub and flew;
And He sped upon the wings of the wind.
¹¹He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him,
Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.
¹²From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
¹³The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
And the Most High uttered His voice,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
¹⁴He sent out His arrows, and scattered them,
And lightning flashes in abundance, and routed them.
¹⁵Then the channels of water appeared,
And the foundations of the world were laid bare
At Your rebuke, O LORD,
At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.
¹⁶He sent from on high, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
¹⁷He delivered me from my strong enemy,
And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
¹⁸They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the LORD was my stay.
¹⁹He brought me forth also into a broad place;
He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
²⁰The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness;
According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me.
²¹For I have kept the ways of the LORD,
And have not wickedly departed from my God.
²²For all His ordinances were before me,
And I did not put away His statutes from me.
²³I was also blameless with Him,
And I kept myself from my iniquity.
²⁴Therefore the LORD has recompensed me according to my righteousness,
According to the cleanness of my hands in His eyes.
²⁵With the kind You show Yourself kind;
With the blameless You show Yourself blameless;
²⁶With the pure You show Yourself pure,
And with the crooked You show Yourself astute.
²⁷For You save an afflicted people,
But haughty eyes You abase.
²⁸For You light my lamp;
The LORD my God illumines my darkness.
²⁹For by You I can run upon a troop;
And by my God I can leap over a wall.
³⁰As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the LORD is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
³¹For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God,
³²The God who girds me with strength
And makes my way blameless?
³³He makes my feet like hinds' feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
³⁴He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your gentleness makes me great.
³⁶You enlarge my steps under me,
And my feet have not slipped.
³⁷I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
And I did not turn back until they were consumed.
³⁸I shattered them, so that they were not able to rise;
They fell under my feet.
³⁹For You have girded me with strength for battle;
You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.
⁴⁰You have also made my enemies turn their backs to me,
And I destroyed those who hated me.
⁴¹They cried for help, but there was none to save,
Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them.
⁴²Then I beat them fine as the dust before the wind;
I emptied them out as the mire of the streets.
⁴³You have delivered me from the contentions of the people;
You have placed me as head of the nations;
A people whom I have not known serve me.
⁴⁴As soon as they hear, they obey me;
Foreigners submit to me.
⁴⁵Foreigners fade away,
And come trembling out of their fortresses.
⁴⁶The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock;
And exalted be the God of my salvation,
⁴⁷The God who executes vengeance for me,
And subdues peoples under me.
⁴⁸He delivers me from my enemies;
Surely You lift me above those who rise up against me;
You rescue me from the violent man.
⁴⁹Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O LORD,
And I will sing praises to Your name.
⁵⁰He gives great deliverance to His king,
And shows lovingkindness to His anointed,
To David and his descendants forever.

- Psalm 18 NASB -

I felt pretty low for a while after our breakup. The whole thing was very negative and I felt very much like "a worm and not a man" (Psalm 22:6).

Looking back I can see the way that God allowed me to suffer through that fall semester to learn valuable lessons about life, relationships, and most importantly, myself. What I am truly thankful for, however, is that God did not leave me where I was. He has brought me back to Him and is continuing to work in me to redeem my story. He is so good to me, always.